You are now Bernie. Your only goal in life is to find a way to get rid of your stench, and then meet some women so you can have a normal life. You are armed with an old, beat-up garbage truck, a change of dingy clothes, heavy-duty gloves, and $42,000 that you have been saving up for this occasion- the day your contamination suit arrives, so you can go out into public and find some way to get rid of your horrible problem.

There is a knock on the door. When you open it up, a man is standing there with a large box marked "overnight." His eyes grow wide and then slam shut when he gets a whiff of the smell in your apartment. "My god, man! What is that funk?!!??" He yells with his fingers pinching his his nose shut. You then proceed to tell him that this was the reason you ordered the suit, but he doesn't care, and after you sign his paper, he runs away with startling speed. With glee, you rip open the box to find your beautiful, air-tight, PINK contamination suit. Oh well, if all goes well, you'll only have to wear it once or twice anyway, right?

You excitedly put on the suit, all but the helmet, and start out the door. On your way out you notice a note on your door stateing that you have 30 days to move, and that the building is condemmed, to be torn down at the end of the 30 days. "Funny," you think to yourself, "when I moved in five years ago, they had just finished putting up the building...." Helmet in hand, you run out the door and hop in your funkmobile, headed torwards town. Halfway there, you think to yourself, "Who would be able to help me though?"

Only two options present themselves to you at this time. Find a mystic healer, a psychic, of sorts who can either cure it with herbs or a spell, or will contact a spirit who can help. The other option is to go to a plastic surgeon, and have all of your skin regrafted, removing all the old, stinky skin. (Maybe even pop for a quick nose job if you can afford it.) Which will it be?